i believe i encountered this book simply in this Austin Kleon blog post about a parable that someone (jack? ziggy?) told me about sometime.

1. i started re-reading  Emergent Narrative and Reparative Play
2. i looked up the phrase 'ludonarrative hermeneutics' and found this paper, Ludonarrative Hermeneutics: A Way Out and the Narrative Paradox
3. i bleeted about it a bit
4. Jason Grinblat, one of the authors on Reparative Play, replied with something i could barely understand at my current level of slippery comprehension and invited me to correct him if wrong
5. now i need to understand the hermeneutic strip so that i can understand jason's response so that i can understand ludonarrative hermeneutics so that i can understand, at last, emergent narrative and reparative play.

join me, on this journey to understanding! let us hope the rabbit hole does not go even deeper.

realized -- i want to make a frontpage for my games that has a place for discussion. i mean, a place that i can sell games that centers discourse. i made hidden.droqen.com, and (separately!) i link people to the steam page for TEOG... this is wrong. this is all wrong. the act of choosing to buy the game should come from a place of wanting to understand and engage with other people. i want to be at the very center of that, not peripheral. i mean, i want the game to be positioned correctly.

I forgot what it was like to undertake actions made crushed under a certain emotional haze until I experienced the haze once again one beautiful early May.

Now that I once more have access to the emotional memory, I can track the red scent back to those actions: foolhardy but personal.

I feel like I'm drawn in two directions. Am I an elder? Am I passing on the knowledge that I want to be passing on?

My instinct is to clean up properly. Make a finished project and draw lines. My next project will do something with my notebooks.

Can I spend this time documenting?

i was rolling a review over in my mind,in vestigating,
and i stumbled bodily straight into a corner of the internet straight out of Hypnospace Outlaw--
voices, strange voices calling, strange familiar names cast in new roles.
it made me want something different.

OK, so: I wanna become a therapist.

I applied to my school of choice on a PLAR, they turned me down.

Now what? For a time, I thought, I'm just going to give up on that... but... then I found my way back to it, I guess? If the way to become a contributing member of society in this way is to go school, I'll go to school.

It's psychology degree time, baby.

an experimental exercise proposed by my partner: when trying to describe what i do, imagine writing a tinder profile about it, lol

im feeling an itch to conceive of my next game - a collection of (once more) platformer spaces, these more carefully considered, more environmental and still deeply imbued with emotion. think: strawberry hell. structurally, i'd still like to embrace something fast-travel-menu-like.

consider the OUBLIETTE pitch deck, a world with different things going on -- only, more 'kill gameplay', more flat, more anthological than that concept. a sewer. a metroidvania without enemies, without unlocks, without anything.

it might be structured accidentally like the game a friend of mine made or is making.

who lives in different cities?

Start of the project, the first 18 reviews.

A workshop for artists to learn & express themselves through Downpour.

What are the necessary basics?
- The very basics of using the tool: photo, box, text, links.
- I think it's much better to take the photos first, then arrange them afterwards.
- Deciding, what is the topic? Creates a work with some coherence
- What topics are genuinely meaningful to you? Memory, for me.

uh think more about this

"C____'s dad was mad all the time, lashing out at C and C's mother. As he grew older, he mellowed out."

But what happened?? I feel like there's a huge space for a story in there -- just the shit of life that transforms a person, in so subtle a way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56EG957YinM

in a first person game, in the darkness, a light shining in my face. i hold my hand up to block the headlights, occluding an awkward hand and wrist and arm shaped blob so that i can see everything else...

a game

using data to track the moon, detect whether the user's camera is pointed at the moon, also detect if the moon is visible with visual confirmation (?)

it's no fun if the moon is too easy to catch; maybe the goal is for everyone to catch the moon at all times, a global cooperation? multiple mooncatchers at the same time... wow, but, hmmm