you touched me
YOU TOUCHED ME
i didn't know the rules of the game
you're playing with me

Classical to Romantic -> the audience's expectations, Beethoven(?) caused a big stir

i think the premise should be really simple. you make something with its interactiveness in mind, without using coins or walls, with an eye on enshrining the player's natural capacity to act upon the world as sacred.

I'D LIKE TO HIDE
 WOULDDN'T IT BE SWELL LIKE WAVES DO
  LIKE PHYSICS AND WATER_TENSION AND THE MOON
   AND THE SUN, AND THE SUN, AND THE SUN, AND THE SUN, AND THE SUN
YOU CAN'T LOOK AT ME DIRECTLY I'm BRIGHT TOO

EASY TO BE HONEST
 WHEN YOUR OUTLINE BLINDS
  AND GIVING DIRECT LOOKS
   KILLS.

i'm after the end of gameplay
i'm singing the praises of death
   as though when it goes
   as if everyone knows
that love is that all we'll have left.

Planning a Godot workshop for later this summer. It will be online.

I decided yesterday that I was going to make & release a video for the full moon... so... here I am. I'm not sure on what, but I think I've got a lot of thoughts bottled up that I've been letting leak out into bluesky in a way I'm not happy with.

I'm writing the guide to a single card every day. I will be finished sometime in late September, although I'll still need to write supporting text (spreads, intro, etc).

Jul 5 - Sept 23-ish

i believe i encountered this book simply in this Austin Kleon blog post about a parable that someone (jack? ziggy?) told me about sometime.

1. i started re-reading  Emergent Narrative and Reparative Play
2. i looked up the phrase 'ludonarrative hermeneutics' and found this paper, Ludonarrative Hermeneutics: A Way Out and the Narrative Paradox
3. i bleeted about it a bit
4. Jason Grinblat, one of the authors on Reparative Play, replied with something i could barely understand at my current level of slippery comprehension and invited me to correct him if wrong
5. now i need to understand the hermeneutic strip so that i can understand jason's response so that i can understand ludonarrative hermeneutics so that i can understand, at last, emergent narrative and reparative play.

join me, on this journey to understanding! let us hope the rabbit hole does not go even deeper.

realized -- i want to make a frontpage for my games that has a place for discussion. i mean, a place that i can sell games that centers discourse. i made hidden.droqen.com, and (separately!) i link people to the steam page for TEOG... this is wrong. this is all wrong. the act of choosing to buy the game should come from a place of wanting to understand and engage with other people. i want to be at the very center of that, not peripheral. i mean, i want the game to be positioned correctly.

I forgot what it was like to undertake actions made crushed under a certain emotional haze until I experienced the haze once again one beautiful early May.

Now that I once more have access to the emotional memory, I can track the red scent back to those actions: foolhardy but personal.

I feel like I'm drawn in two directions. Am I an elder? Am I passing on the knowledge that I want to be passing on?

My instinct is to clean up properly. Make a finished project and draw lines. My next project will do something with my notebooks.

Can I spend this time documenting?

i was rolling a review over in my mind,in vestigating,
and i stumbled bodily straight into a corner of the internet straight out of Hypnospace Outlaw--
voices, strange voices calling, strange familiar names cast in new roles.
it made me want something different.

OK, so: I wanna become a therapist.

I applied to my school of choice on a PLAR, they turned me down.

Now what? For a time, I thought, I'm just going to give up on that... but... then I found my way back to it, I guess? If the way to become a contributing member of society in this way is to go school, I'll go to school.

It's psychology degree time, baby.

an experimental exercise proposed by my partner: when trying to describe what i do, imagine writing a tinder profile about it, lol

im feeling an itch to conceive of my next game - a collection of (once more) platformer spaces, these more carefully considered, more environmental and still deeply imbued with emotion. think: strawberry hell. structurally, i'd still like to embrace something fast-travel-menu-like.

consider the OUBLIETTE pitch deck, a world with different things going on -- only, more 'kill gameplay', more flat, more anthological than that concept. a sewer. a metroidvania without enemies, without unlocks, without anything.

it might be structured accidentally like the game a friend of mine made or is making.

who lives in different cities?