1. always ask why until you are satisfied. never settle for anything less than a deep personal connectedness to answers.

2. respect reality and the agency and well being of others; acknowledge one common world; your pursuit of satisfied understanding must never involve descent into a pure fantasy in which your satisfaction is incongruent with the inescapable, or harms others and demands attack.

3. the pursuit of satisfaction is not unilateral. approach it from every axis: cultivate your ability to feel satisfied whenever it is possible. you are not immutable. you are not sacred. the goal is not only to find better answers — it is to ask better questions and to appreciate better the answers that you already have.

In my game Awake, the player is presented with a singular challenge.

Its goal, as a work, was to reproduce an emotional / memorable experience. A memory. This is the form of a premise which I consider to be justifiable.

A vast majority of games appear to be designed with tests and challenges and, more broadly speaking, game-structure, in place for "bad" reasons, dead reasons.

In the case of Awake, a second level was requested by a friendly player, which was a request I was honoured to receive, but also one that I rejected.


...

it's very simple. i think to do opened up a rift inside of me.
i was feeling quite down today, and i couldn't identify why.
and now reflecting on the events of the past few days,
i wonder if it was the creation of two new droqevers that
actually brought these mucky feelings to the surface.

hmm.

simple leaderboard thingy for a friend.

Re: Fyodor Dostoevsky's
"White Nights"
(Translated by Constance Garnett)

linked to me by RP0 via Paradise

I found my way to this video twice -- once via Paradise, but more importantly the second time within the context of a specific conversation. So, my [AB] in this context:

[ A. How can I prioritize my "feeling" in context of systemic games? Roleplaying, perhaps -- but does the existence of win states conflict with the desire to roleplaying?
  B. It is most possible, perhaps only possible, to roleplay & feel in the absence of systemic mastery. Each person arrives at mastery of a masterable system at their own pace, and it is possible to avoid achieving mastery for a time. Replaying is often at odds. ]

[AB]

Playing Mask of the Rose

[AB]

Wanting to note narrative structure, Galatea, and a plethora of connections with the larger truth.

First of all I would like to say, KAT DID IT FIRST!!!
*ahem*
Alright, let's dig in.


[A. Conceal something from the player.
 B. When we know there is something concealed, we are motivated to uncover it. (e.g.)

 C. Awareness of concealment itself may be concealed. When unaware of concealment we cannot be directly motivated (as above), but awareness of unknown unknowns may stir the curiousity in a different way. ]

draw a tarot card every day.

my new understanding of art
to be an artist or to appreciate it
     our shared mental mass, a synchronization, a reassociation
to associate

remember each way in which you have been yourself and forgotten
remember each way in which another person is themselves
and forgotten
remember each way in which every person will be every person and forgotten
in time lost

Source https://auntieemily.com/yin-yang-fried-rice/

Ingredients for fried rice:
5 c Cooked rice (currently trying 2 cups rice, 2 cups water)
3 Large eggs
1 tsp Salt
3 tbsp Oil

Ingredients for red sauce (DOUBLE ALL):
250 g Chicken , sliced into shreds
1 tsp Light soy sauce for chicken marinade
½ tsp Sugar for chicken marinade
1 tsp Corn starch for chicken marinade
1 tsp Oil for chicken marinade
½ Onion , thin sliced wedges
1 Medium tomato , wedges
3 tbsp Tomato paste
3 tbsp Ketchup (I would like to replace this part of the recipe since I don't have ketchup but I do have all the other ingredients!)
1 tbsp White vinegar
1 tbsp Light soy sauce
2 tsp Sugar
250 ml Chicken broth
1 tbsp Corn starch for slurry
2 tbsp Water for slurry
2 tbsp Oil

https://www.tumblr.com/variousauthors/761897217326022656/metroidvania

In the comments of his Mental Backlog & Metroidvanias, boghog says something that bugs me. I'd like to get to the bottom of it.

[AB]

Re Lajos Egri's
"The Art of Dramatic Writing"

I forgot this feeling.

[ A. What do I want to use Self-Determination theory for -- how can I apply Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness to get my games to encourage the particular form of creativity that I like? What is this form of creativity?

  B. Apply SDT specifically to the player's internal processes -- not how to win, or even to think about and understand things beyond the boundaries of their self. I am interested in the player's Autonomy, as it pertains to their self-image. I am interested in the player's Competence in understanding and choosing themselves, and in their self-development. And, I am interested in the player's Relatedness regarding their self as it exists in the world. (see page 2)]