well fuck yeah

- i want to do things, to remain ever in motion, especially in a showy, visible, noticed way

- the ace of wands strikes: a bolt of inspiration. i cannot, do not, do not want to, resist.

- in this case, and in my ideal case, this creation strikes an emotional chord. "The Queen of Cups acts as a mirror."

so this is the tarot's response to my doing more involved interpretations in a novel format, something that's been on my mind. OK. i just gotta remember that the underlying issue, the prerequisite, the motivating foundational force, is my knight of wands. daily habits.

i don't have a well-formed question... something about feeling loose, free, untethered... it's a good feeling! i've done some work and something has been put out into the world. i'll feel this way about the tarot deck someday.

i'm thinking about writing a poetry-like or story-like guidebook for my tarot deck. hmm. how can i think about this? where am i going? should i start now? is there another way to do it? what am i not recognizing?

-

KNIGHT OF WANDS, ACE OF WANDS, QUEEN OF CUPS

-

nooo fucking way.

i drew the ace of wands from my deck of remaining cards and thought, eh, i'm not feelin it... i didn't have a well-formed question and idk i just don't want to do this one today, for whatever reason. i very rarely do this.

then i shuffledi t up -- i shuffled it way the hell up -- and drew a face-down remaining card, and two done cards, and shuffled them together to get a past-present-future three-card reading and what the hell, it gave me my ace of wands back... so i guess it's fate or whatever. god

the nine of swords is a guilty conscience, the swords are falling, i know that, i know that. i have already done the nine of swords! it slipped in here. wake up from this nightmare!!! okay, so i want to get over the guilty conscience. i have a feeling that something will die (again).

tell me what i want, or how to get what i want, or whether i can even get what i want. i want something, tell me how i'm going to go about pursuing it. tell me if i'm going to get it.

DEATH

can i simply carry on like this, or do i insist that things don't make sense?
no, that's not right. i'm going to state my mind.
the seven of wands demands it--and also i know it's what i'm going to do, lol.
the inverted ace of swords suggests a possible future. give me a card to advise me:
what should i do, or what should i expect?

bubbling, boiling, churning...
the seven of wands popped out of the deck twice... weird. maybe it's something physically off about the card that makes it come out so damned much but either way it put me in the mood to ask, stand my ground in what way? work came to mind first. work, work, work. i presented some problems i was having conceptually, was asked to carry on. i guess i still have the same problems? (am i making a game design or just selling an abstract fantasy?) stand my ground. i'm right, and i'll continue to be right. but i'll also do the work! that's fine, i guess.

how do i design a game that seems to contain a fundamental conflict?

so the next card i drew was the inverted ace of swords.

Quoteconfusion, miscommunication, hostility, arguments, destruction, brutality

i think it's time to clean up the deck. sort it all out. weed out the drawn so i can draw an undrawn only.

To ignore is not to kill; to ignore is to become dead; to ignore is to die.

Whatever transformation removes the living acknowledgment any system pays to you is a killing curse.

Nothing living can deny your existence.

Like the fool who stomps his roof, our fix for this is to create artificial feedback to replace that which has been lost. Interactive art, video games, control schemes, input and output, generative AI, and the illusion of being connected with others across time and space.

A video does not acknowledge my presence; it is the world without me in it. Were I to go back in time and experience it again, even in a deterministic universe I would be different, slightly different — and the replayed universe would not be, could not be, exactly the same ever again.

video removes the viewer, only the viewer, from the universe. a video replayed is the same every time.