a way for  interacting with a todo list as cards; in a collaborative setting think of these cards as cards you can "play" on others; the act of assigning tasks as playful and casual; tasks can go into a deck and be forgotten about for awhile but never lost; cards can be face down until you're ready for them; cards have boundaries and relationships.

Quoterather than look at this as a response to my question ("i could go find some interesting game to play," my brain shrugs), i found myself noticing, maybe i'm using this as an excuse to escape?

my right knee hurts a little bit but other than that i have all the energy i need. i'm having a good time. the eight of cups is a way for me to look at the impulse to take a break when i don't need one as an impulse to escape, to abandon. "searching for truth" is just the justification that one might use.

-my instagram post

QuoteThis is the case especially after being tired of living what was the day to day, and embarking on a journey that will help one have a deeper understanding about life in general.

Getting the upright side of this card shows that you are dissatisfied with your life and need to experience a higher purpose in life.

- Eight of Cups Meaning

card art done -- took about an hour. it's very low detail! i spent a long time getting various elements right. so, no regrets.
this art glamourizes the oubliette: descending into a hole to spend time exploring something, something far away from all the cups...
maybe i need to enjoy a little diving into impersonal systems, on sundays. can i let myself do that?

Day 46, Nov 10, 2pm
On my mind... I'd like to get in motion. Begin action. But I'm lying here, I was intending to take a break today... Sunday, lol. I know, I just know I'm gonna be crazy busy all next week. How do I get myself to actually take a break and rest? What do people do on a break day? What should I do?
EIGHT OF CUPS

moreover i can see—maybe—the social aspect better. what can games do to create a ten of cups like social environment? if i lose a personal (and to some degree isolating) relationship to games, that could open me up to different ones. i am not there yet, but i could work my way there.

i am grieving over a loss of games, i am grieving over divers, but i can use the ten of cups to reflect on a larger perspective -- a positive, as well as a different lens on the problem.

i played etrian odyssey alone on the bus every day on the way to school, and back again. i'm going to a new friend's smash bros party at his house... there will be lots of people there. authentic bonds and connections with others. when i played etrian odyssey, it was fundamentally a lonely experience, it was a very useful coping-with-loneliness mechanism.

Quotewas i driven to make games out of loneliness? then what will i do when i am no longer lonely?

~ a tweet of mine, from years ago.

i think one of my parents actually saw this tweet and reached out to me about it, haha. that was a funny feeling.

anyway.

here i am, i think, near the end of loneliness. yes, the very end of it. the ten of cups... reframes my disconnection with games as a genuine connection with people. i am thankful for what i've lost, even though i can still be sad about it. how funny.

"Take a moment and breathe, look around you and be thankful for all your blessings. This card signifies something that so many of us are searching for. . . . the Ten of Cups, which at its core about how true happiness stems from forging authentic bonds and connections with others. This card is most associated with a sense of 'happily ever after' - of family, of lasting harmony and peace."

i am noticing loss. my emotions are separating me from home, from the past. but is that really how i feel about divers? i guess it is twofold.

i think divers is simply not as well designed as my favourite games in the genre, but even were i to go back to those games, i would feel this gulf  between me and playing games. it's sad. here i stand on the other side of the river...

card art

i am definitely still dwelling on loss. i'm not sure what to do about feeling so disconnected from, and yet surrounded by, this entire medium. oh, perfect prompt for today's card, lol. let's go.

DAY 45. NOV 9. 11AM.
TEN OF CUPS

i don't know how to take this... i'll come back to it later, maybe figure something out.

~ backlinked from my tarot of the day

"what does art contain?"

i've been playing Divers and bummed out about it, so i drew a card to try and reflect on that. why should playing a game make me so sad, and yet also so invigorated?

DAY 44. NOV 8. 12:19.
FIVE OF CUPS.