day 48 nov 12 - 10:50 am
do i need more sleep?? how will i know if im pushing my body too hard??
life just feels so good and full right now.
can i really simply enjoy being extremely busy, and just letting things fall on me and on the horizon?
three of cups HELL YEA

... i learned today that psychology and therapy are relatively new fields. but, something a hundred years old might be tradition enough for me to feel comforted by its hierophant-like stability. this card describes one of the motivations behind EXAT for me -- and part of it is education. this is one of those dead-obvious cards that tells me what i already know.

i don't mind. i like that stuff in readings. :)

DAY 47 - NOV 11 - 11 PM

seeking understanding. respect for creative process / results.
wanting to help others? to do something, to do something...
(i haven't sought earth-shattering change for a while have i?)
EXAT represents the entire field! i love that

q - my EXAT journey is sort of on hold... i'd like to focus more on it? but maybe i can't do it right now? i'm going to let it sit idle, a slow process. is there anything i'm forgetting to think about, or avoiding thinking about?

V THE HIEROPHANT

a way for  interacting with a todo list as cards; in a collaborative setting think of these cards as cards you can "play" on others; the act of assigning tasks as playful and casual; tasks can go into a deck and be forgotten about for awhile but never lost; cards can be face down until you're ready for them; cards have boundaries and relationships.

Quoterather than look at this as a response to my question ("i could go find some interesting game to play," my brain shrugs), i found myself noticing, maybe i'm using this as an excuse to escape?

my right knee hurts a little bit but other than that i have all the energy i need. i'm having a good time. the eight of cups is a way for me to look at the impulse to take a break when i don't need one as an impulse to escape, to abandon. "searching for truth" is just the justification that one might use.

-my instagram post

QuoteThis is the case especially after being tired of living what was the day to day, and embarking on a journey that will help one have a deeper understanding about life in general.

Getting the upright side of this card shows that you are dissatisfied with your life and need to experience a higher purpose in life.

- Eight of Cups Meaning

card art done -- took about an hour. it's very low detail! i spent a long time getting various elements right. so, no regrets.
this art glamourizes the oubliette: descending into a hole to spend time exploring something, something far away from all the cups...
maybe i need to enjoy a little diving into impersonal systems, on sundays. can i let myself do that?

Day 46, Nov 10, 2pm
On my mind... I'd like to get in motion. Begin action. But I'm lying here, I was intending to take a break today... Sunday, lol. I know, I just know I'm gonna be crazy busy all next week. How do I get myself to actually take a break and rest? What do people do on a break day? What should I do?
EIGHT OF CUPS

moreover i can see—maybe—the social aspect better. what can games do to create a ten of cups like social environment? if i lose a personal (and to some degree isolating) relationship to games, that could open me up to different ones. i am not there yet, but i could work my way there.

i am grieving over a loss of games, i am grieving over divers, but i can use the ten of cups to reflect on a larger perspective -- a positive, as well as a different lens on the problem.

i played etrian odyssey alone on the bus every day on the way to school, and back again. i'm going to a new friend's smash bros party at his house... there will be lots of people there. authentic bonds and connections with others. when i played etrian odyssey, it was fundamentally a lonely experience, it was a very useful coping-with-loneliness mechanism.

Quotewas i driven to make games out of loneliness? then what will i do when i am no longer lonely?

~ a tweet of mine, from years ago.

i think one of my parents actually saw this tweet and reached out to me about it, haha. that was a funny feeling.

anyway.

here i am, i think, near the end of loneliness. yes, the very end of it. the ten of cups... reframes my disconnection with games as a genuine connection with people. i am thankful for what i've lost, even though i can still be sad about it. how funny.

"Take a moment and breathe, look around you and be thankful for all your blessings. This card signifies something that so many of us are searching for. . . . the Ten of Cups, which at its core about how true happiness stems from forging authentic bonds and connections with others. This card is most associated with a sense of 'happily ever after' - of family, of lasting harmony and peace."