Compulsion

[droqen]

Regarding Zeigfreid's
"responding-to-droqen.html"
(note: link is knowingly broken)

[droqen]

he writes and publishes books, but I never get the sense that he has much stock in those books being read. I think he's mainly interested in writing them, but then why does he publish them?

Why did we send that golden record out into space?

I don't know! I'm very interested in the answer to this question, Zeigfreid. If not to be heard, to affect something or someone, why publish? Why release? Why hit send at all? It seems a strange fantasy to do a thing with your life, only appreciating the imagined outcome. But I guess one day we will all die, so everything past the window of our lives is imagined in the same way.

[droqen]

All art, nay, all signals have this kind of compulsive engine.

I absolutely agree. I think... mainly, I have resisted the idea for too long. I am embracing it now, even if I'd like to judge it as evil, or at best amoral and restrictive.

[droqen]

A line from Bo Burnham's "Can't Handle This":

Come and watch the skinny kid with a
Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts
To give you what he cannot give himself

I have designed games that feel a little bit like the random walk of exploring design space:

cloud exile and simple tour are a couple of examples.

In some ways I like this random walk -- the balancing act of 'compelling' vs 'pure in intent' vs 'accomplishable within my human and technological constraints'. But it's also very frustrating, and I enjoy making games that are equally frustrating. I wonder how much of it is out of jealousy: that my players should not be allowed to enjoy this more than I did.