先生、今月どうですか

[droqen]

Regarding
"先生、今月どうですか"
(read: Sensei, Kongetsu Dou Desu ka, translation by octhan and mokust)

It's weird to read something like this - the description given is "Murasaki has the power to see the future of the person she touches. As the landlord's daughter, she has to chase after Shijima Banri for rent every month." but I really didn't expect it to be a romance between a 33-yo author and a 17-yo high schooler... I have certain judgements, but actually the things I'm interested in are the things the love interest (the author) says, that I can relate to, about his work.

I'm making a note of this because it's the first time I've read a work and felt such a clear distinction between what I am REALLY INTERESTED IN (the author character, who I relate to), and this sort of compelling fluff that's not meaningful and is maybe kinda questionable as an authored scenario (the romance between two characters who have such a vast age difference, the 17-yo girl who has a much less interesting personality except to be in love and supportive...)

Anyway, the quotes follow.

[droqen]

SB: "After Evening Rain, I took a ten year break from writing. I thought I had accomplished what I wanted to do, but I couldn't stop writing, so I came back to it. Now that I've restarted by writing career, I want to get my work out into the world. But, challenges don't come easily to me.(?) You have to seize opportunities when you can. There may not be the next time."

M: "I'm sorry. I didn't think about your feelings."

SB: "Don't worry about it. I've only recently come to that conclusion."

There's something in Shijima Banri's demeanour... he switches effortlessly from friendly to dead serious. I see myself in him. Also, I'm 30! And also, it's been ten years since Starseed Pilgrim! In some ways I wish I'd taken a ten year break from trying to live up to it, because it's taken me this long to find the space from it that I needed.

After he speaks about where he's at and Murasaki apologizes for (I suppose) misunderstanding him with her actions, the way he says "I've only recently come to that conclusion" reminds me of myself. And my interactions with people. I seek out a state of transformation, of change, and when I speak I am speaking about a point in time. I rarely bother with saying things I'm sure about. But, it's common for people (some people?) to take my words as though I think they are true, and always think they have been.

To that I can only say, always, "I've only recently come to that conclusion." That's all I do, is come to conclusion after conclusion. Always right in the moment. Always wrong later. Always forgotten, because they don't matter anymore.