TAROT

[droqen]

draw a tarot card every day.

[droqen]

DAY 1 - SEPTEMBER 25, MIDNIGHT - THE TOWER

my interpretation is that i am being upheaved. i have always interpreted the tower as a good thing... positive... but at the same time i understand its ill fated reputation. to draw the tower is exciting. i drew the tower in my first ever reading and i felt a rush of emotion, mixed: a strong impact, paired with a strong responsibility...

destruction and rebuilding. the tower represents this intense desire to burn down and begin anew. this desire can swallow me up, if i let it.

rather than draw a subversive tower, i will seek to render an accurate one.

[droqen]

DAY 2 - SEPTEMBER 26, 6:19 PM - THE WORLD

man, are you kidding me right now

The World represents an ending to a cycle of life, a pause in life before the next big cycle beginning with the fool. It is an indicator of a major and inexorable change, of tectonic breadth.

yes i know that i am going through a big change btu you don't have to be that obvious about it

[droqen]

i spent hours creating my World card and still while im happy with it i can tell how outsiderish it is; a visual poem but a scrambled one, no appealing composition to speak of.

does it richly suggest a more detailed reading? you bet it does. there is...

gosh, alright, the creation of this World has forced me to understand that i am not so large in the grand scheme of things even in my successes; this is a subtlety about the Major Arcana: they are about things larger than the self.

completion... if i must contemplate what it means for something to be COMPLETE, there are so many incomplete things which surround me. it is not praise heaped upon me: indeed, what has been completed? instead, the world is made up of unfinished things. a storm unresolved. a partially obscured moon. an un-unlocked door. (only in a videogame does a locked door communicate "incompleteness.")

when i imagine myself done, when i am looking back at my accomplishments, there is a temptation to do the same thing again.

RESIST THAT TEMPTATION. the world is wide, life is vast.
the past, this draw says to me, is done,

move on to things that have always been surrounding you but which are not immediately in front.

[droqen]

OK, so, the tarot website I've been using is a bust: it only draws major arcana cards. I'm so mad about that. Now I need to find a new one. Thanks a lot, internet!!! Argh!!!

[droqen]

DAY 3 - SEPTEMBER 27, 8:44 PM - FOUR OF CUPS
i came into this thinking about my own old quote brought to my attention by a gmtk video -- i wanted some kind of idea about how to assist myself.
at the same time, while i drew the card, i was thinking about how my deeper desire when i draw a tarot card is to answer the question: what am i forgetting to think about? what am i missing? what am i (perhaps) avoiding thinking about?

(note that my initial draw, which i discarded as i realized it was from an incomplete tarot deck (see previous message), was the wheel of fortune... i wonder if i should have kept that one but i think this was the right call)

anyway, here we have the four of cups. "Your will has dissipated and your mind is distracted from its true goal." the young man sitting beneath the tree is ignoring the cup offered... "feeling nostalgic, daydreaming or fantasising"... "oblivious to the opportunities around you"...

it's an interesting card. my interpretation will not be recorded further.

[droqen]

DAY 4 - SEPTEMBER 28, 7:XXPM - STRENGTH
the snake in snake is a powerful creature... only capable of killing itself... of no fixed size.
i drew STRENGTH with a videogame snake instead of a lion. the snake is a wild and untamed force.
the angel with an infinity symbol for a halo does not so much control the snake as it does guide it...
snake, lion, angel, they are all one.

one interpretation suggests that strength is a very positive card (not to suggest that other representations would say anything other than that), and that problems will be overcome.

i'm not going to worry too much about what this card says, i will take it as a sign of momentum, the momentum of the snake, and my ability, and my corresponding responsibility, to guide that momentum. as well, i will look outward;

who beyond myself is the angel, with kind and wise guidance?

who beyond myself is the snake, with untamed power in need of direction?

though i like the idea of looking at any character in tarot as a facet of my self, i also like that there are two characters in STRENGTH: there, there is a feeling of potential teamwork. two facets or two people or two aspects or two entities, each doing for the other what they cannot for themselves.

strength. it's a good sign, and reminds me of different ways in which i might focus my energies.

[droqen]

DAY 5 - SEPTEMBER 29, MIDNIGHT - KING OF SWORDS
oops, i meant to go to sleep earlier than this. oh well. my king of swords is finished. how to interpret?
"legal matters, law enforcement, military, police and judges"
i'm not too concerned about these, but maybe i should be.
the king of swords may be someone else in my life: i am so rarely a king of swords, i perceive this weakness in myself; i wonder if this is simply showing me that weakness (contrasting against yesterday's STRENGTH), or whether it is revealing the king of swords in others?

last night i spent the time 'editing' down my reading from during polaris into a more manageable format, so that i could tell shelley about it without her losing grasp of my train of thought.

my king of swords. to pair with my ace of swords.

"discipline, integrity, morality"...

the king of swords lies beyond me, that is my wish, but i should play the angel now and then, whisper into the king of swords that i can be. have discipline. take my desire to speak concisely and clearly, and actually put it into practice?

have something to say. put in the work to say it well, say it correctly, say it clearly, say it efficiently.

it's interesting to have arrived here, but i think if i the ace of swords cut through the gordian knot, then i the king of swords cut through the gordian knot that is me: shut up a little and actually say something, with a little help from yesterday's angel.

[droqen]

DAY 6 - SEPTEMBER 30, 5:35 PM - TEN OF WANDS
... i don't have to do it alone.
after an initial success, perhaps many responsibilities build up.
i certainly tried to deal with those alone.
i loved meeting people last weekend who had struggled with similar things.
could we work together to meet the responsibilities of creating great art, again?

that was my big takeaway from polaris. i even wrote it on the cover of my notebook:

"things can be // solved if we // work     on them // TOGETHER // <3"

[droqen]

i am not good at delegation. at giving up control. at letting go. mostly i find it difficult. others who delegate to me also do it in ways that cause me trouble. the package opening incident that occurred today... why did it occur? i was moving too fast, i was too impatient. what if i had just slowed down and let things unfold gradually together?

"things can be solved if we work on them together." what does it mean to work on things together? we must move more slowly, for one. communication slows us down. we slow each other down.

maybe slowing down is okay.

[droqen]

DAY 7 - OCTOBER 1, EARLY - FOUR OF PENTACLES (coins)
holding on (too?) tight to past success.
posted this too long after reading my self,
so the interpretation would not be fresh.
good card.

[droqen]

DAY 8 - OCTOBER 2, 10AM - QUEEN OF PENTACLES (coins)
i wanted to answer a specific question today -- resolve a specific problem, a problem of thinking straight or communicating with another person. to get a queen is confusing. does the queen represent me? the person i am trying to communicate with? ... actually... it's probably the person i'm going to meet today, the total stranger. the court cards often represent people, but i have particularly seen interpretations suggest that they represent new connections.

am i about to meet a queen of pentacles today, and can thinking through this person help me understand my conundrum better?

This Minor Arcana card tells you to approach issues in a sensible, practical, no-nonsense manner and you will be successful. She tells you to set goals and work towards them steadily. *

staring at my own card makes me think of caution, resisting temptation, and a stable future. following a climb, the queen of pentacles is at the peak...

can i communicate my fear about leaving the peak?
what lies ahead?
i am not sure where to go, when here  i am so surrounded by life.

"good business sense." i need to embody this and perhaps will meet someone who helps me out there. i know someone who is practical this way, maybe i need to ask for help. i have been thinking about it anyway.

[droqen]

When it comes to all things career oriented, the Queen of Pentacles tarot card can bring great success. She is a talented businesswoman who is practical, organized and very capable in anything she puts her mind to. In your life, she can appear as a successful person, who may make a great mentor, colleague or business partner. If you do choose to collaborate with her, you'll find that her vast skill set will be invaluable to your career or your professional projects. If she offers advice, listen to it; she cares for you, and will help you accomplish your goals.

I am looking for a person who will help me accomplish my goals. Someone... with a vast skill set... hmm.

I am open to finding this person but I don't think I will find this relationship by being a designer at someone else's indie videogame company, at least not the way I have been doing.

I have happened upon a good answer to my conundrum.

[droqen]

DAY 9 - OCTOBER 3, 6PM - ACE OF PENTACLES

oh no you did not just ace of pentacles that question.
basically just sticking financial stability in my face. fine. fine.
i did the responsible thing, and you are telling me that it was
a good choice because of the responsibleness of the choice.
fine!!!

stable droqen is good sane droqen.
makes-good-choice droqen makes good choices,
and good choices makes droqen makes-good-choice droqen.
fiiiiiiiiine.

[droqen]

DAY 10 - OCTOBER 4, 3PM - THE SUN
radiate.
i'm not sure if this was an answer to my question. i'm not sure how it could be...
how can i make time for everything?

my interpretation is a hopeful, optimistic, "don't worry about it." things will turn out right if i keep on shining.

the problem is this is what i normally do. what's different? i think what's different is i would like to be more mindful of shining/radiating. keep doing it. be a part of something, meet people, don't cower away.

reveal the truth.