TAROT

[droqen]

DAY 11 - OCTOBER 5 - SIX OF CUPS
how do i balance --- and +++? this one is hard to interpret...
i realized the question is similar to yesterday's. i suppose i have the same things on my mind.
DAY 12 - OCTOBER 6 - SEVEN OF WANDS
what will i get out of {KotQ}? why am i doing it?
... a struggle? this one makes no sense. unless i interpret in a certain way, about games broadly in general.
why am i still making games? then, the answer makes sense. i'm fighting to prove i'm still a game maker, maybe.
DAY 13 - OCTOBER 7, 12:49 NOON - THE EMPEROR
what am i going to end up having done by the end of this month?
perhaps i should interpret this as saying i'm going to become organized. the emperor is also representative of a certain type of energy from someone in my life. maybe their influence or desires will come to fruition too?

[droqen]

DAY 14 - OCTOBER 8, 8 AM - EIGHT OF WANDS
how can i get anything done, how can i focus, how do i choose what to focus on?
jfc the tarot is very explicitly telling me to do what i'm already good at.
just do it fast.

"movement, speed, progress, quick decisions, sudden changes, excitement"

"The image depicted by the Eight of Wands means that the difficulties that were brought by the Seven of Wands are finally over."
you mean the seven of wands that i picked up two days ago? yes that's pretty damn fast, tarot.

i am happy to receive this card, as i am always happy to receive a card that tells me what i already know.
stay the course.

[droqen]

DAY 15 - OCTOBER 10, 1PM
(What do I need?) TEN OF PENTACLES
(AC) QUEEN OF PENTACLES --- (MM) JUDGEMENT

I missed yesterday. It was full of other tarot readings, so, it's all good. We're on day 15 and I did a little reading for something I'm conflicted about.

I need a ten of pentacles - for long term effort and stability to pay off. The choices that are being presented are
the Queen of pentacles - a suit match, a sensible choice, a person good at planning and executing
and Judgement - POWERFUL self-reflection and self-evaluation.

[droqen]

DAY 16 - OCTOBER 11, 2PM
how will this new journaling game project, "walking across the ocean," go?
who should i be talking to, what should i be worried about, what will i get out of it?
ACE OF SWORDS

about to experience a moment of breakthrough... swords are the intellect. this checks out. "It is . . the best time to work on your goals - as the aces all give green lights, and are signals of waiting opportunities and new beginnings." "justice and the truth" "your conscience is clear, and your thoughts are swift." moral clarity of purpose, and the mental acuity to cut that gordian knot. i know i'm doing this for the right reasons -- of goodness.

[droqen]

re: HOW SHOULD I SPEND MY ENERGY ON [X]? how much? a lot, a little? tell me
DAY 17 - OCTOBER 12 - 3:40 PM - THE CHARIOT
the chariot sends me big balance vibes; there are obstacles; BALANCE THE MIND AND HEART; success is possible; focus.

focus... i'm not sure i understand, tbh. i suppose i don't yet understand the problem enough for the chariot to represent anything.
i could in theory focus... on making a choice. but that feels far off yet.
focus.

"success, ambition, determination, willpower, control, self-discipline, focus"

self-discipline. don't get distracted.

edit:: OKAY, I get it. I can spend energy on [X], but remember to connect it to my ambitions and goals. Focus. Use [X] as a focus, not as a distraction. Focus.

[droqen]

HOW DO I STOP?
DAY 18 - OCTOBER 13 - 10:19 AM - KNIGHT OF PENTACLES
argh, this dude again
"The Knight of Pentacles is about the daily tasks and the responsibility that one has to gain through a specific project."
have a project. have daily tasks. have responsibilities. cool cool cool. this is how i stop anything -- by focusing on something else.

". . . reliable, commited to his work. . . . there is a need to be trustworthy and reliable."

[droqen]

how do i make games with flexible human value structures? i am working on a journaling game - that feels right, although it sucks and is scary. i have a job on the horizon. it's a game, but a nice, loose one. hmm.
what's my question...
i've created a kinopio space about videogames' coercive value structures.
i want clarification on what my goals should therefore be, and especially the role that games play in getting me there.
DAY 19 - OCTOBER 14 - 9:45 AM - TWO OF PENTACLES
... I've seen this card come up before! I know it. My first instinct was to interpret it as saying (unhelpfully) "just balance these two things!" -- what two things? games' coercion against freedom? but... "The 2 of Pentacles suggests that you're working hard to make sure all your bills are paid. You may have to do a juggling act right now . . ."

is that all games are?

[droqen]

with whom do i share my journaling games?
who will get the most out of them? who is the most open?
and how will i know how to find them?
DAY 20 - OCTOBER 15 - 9:45 AM
THE HIGH PRIESTESS (off the bottom of the deck)
= "unconscious, intuition, mystery, spirituality, higher power, inner voice"
SEVEN OF WANDS (off the top, properly shuffled)
= "protectiveness, standing up for yourself, defending yourself, protecting territory"

hmm. yeah. this is what i'm already doing. listen to my intuition.
interpreting the seven of wands is interesting; "defending his position"...

i'd like to keep these games private, for a while. i'm definitely defensive about them: i want to share them only with people who i trust. follow my intuition. i think when i release them i will find myself in a seven-of-wands-like position. on guard against my enemies. i don't want to stand alone against that seemingly overwhelming, outnumbering tidal wave of opposition.

[droqen]

i feel so good at the moment... what do i do with my time? how do i prioritize? i could use this time to plan, or i could use this time to execute - but i don't have a plan right now, so if i were to execute, it would be aimless. when i use the time to plan, i wonder: should i be executing plan-creation, or should i be doing meta-planning? planning for how to draw up a plan?

i feel like going right to the top -- but i worry, am i going too high up? how do i know how high up to go? ty tarot deck for helping me out, here...

DAY 21 - OCTOBER 16 - 11:30 AM
i shuffled and slowly, one by one, three cards fell out all on their own...
i've been meaning to figure out a new 3 card spread but for now i'll use the one i know best
still, a three-part anything seems easy enough.

#1 (BEFORE) - KING OF PENTACLES
this slot is for something pre-existing, to respect as real, perhaps to leave behind, perhaps left behind against my will

"a man of high ambition, materialistic satisfaction, and worldly success."
hmm. if this is the past of my question, it represents how i used to try and plan... perhaps i followed my ambition? i thought of material success.

"With regards to finances, the King of Pentacles is one of the best cards to receive. This may mean that your financial situation is stable as a result of your wise investments and hard work. In case you are taking a gamble, be sure to initiate a calculated action."
i thought of success and thought it was fundamentally calculable. this sort of makes sense. for a long time i thought . . . the way to choose what to do is to be rational about it. (i am not good at this.)

#2 (NOW) - REVERSED THREE OF CUPS
this slot is for the state of affairs now, something present (no pun intended), something actively in progress or in development
this is one of my first reversed/inverted cards that i really got during a reading. it flopped out of the deck and i wasn't sure which way so i kept it. and, here it is, upside down, clear as day.
when it comes to planning, i would say this describes an approach i'm currently trying -- who knows if it's working? maybe i'm not even trying it, and it describes a present bias that i have?

it's clear to me what the three of cups represents but i'll still steal some phrases from the website i mostly use.
"friendship, community, gatherings, celebrations, group events, social events"

but it's reversed. this is very interesting to me. an inversion is not the opposite: it is a complication, a messiness. sometimes it can be useful to draw an extra card to figure out the nature of the complication...

"the Three of Cups reversed can mean that there is a lack of balance and harmony within your social circle. Gossip and scandal can rear their ugly heads. Perhaps there is envy hidden within this circle, and as a result, you are feeling isolated. "

hmm. i might draw a card to figure out what's complicating the idea of social connection because i do feel like my process right now relies on social connections and vibes. maybe the 'future' card will help to illuminate the complication, though. is it working? perhaps the inversion represents how the present strategy is not sustainable? or my personal doubts?

#3 (AFTER) - TEN OF PENTACLES

oh come on.

"The Ten of Pentacles deals with permanence and satisfaction. The card shows that everything you have put your efforts into for a long time will pay off in the future. It suggests that everything will work out well in the end - for you have always kept the long term picture in view, choosing to take no shortcuts."

this is nice to hear. i keep getting this card. but it's not too useful. permanence and no shortcuts and tradition... i think this is suggesting that putting effort in now will pay off, which makes me think about meta planning, the longest term view of all. i keep doing this, and i think it keeps paying off. alright.

let's complicate things. if this is a new card, it is the one i will do art for today.
otherwise, i will make an inverted three of cups.

[droqen]

#2 1/2 (COMPLICATION FOR THREE OF CUPS) - QUEEN OF SWORDS

oh man, oh dude. ok, that's quite clear.

today i make the queen of swords.

[droqen]

DAY 22 - OCTOBER 17 - ??? - THE MOON
shoot, i forgot to hit 'send' on my post . . .
what did i ask yesterday?
i forget now.

[droqen]

today's question, moon-inspired.
i feel like i'm about to choose two (or more) paths at once. i'm going to do it all.
live in a corporate structure and be productive, as well as be emotionally vulnerable and creative.
where am i going to find the energy? where am i going to find the time? how is it all going to go?
DAY 23 - OCTOBER 18 - 9:30 AM - THE HERMIT
wow. fascinating draw.
i think it goes along with the spread i did for my chat with [www] earlier this week -- interviewing for a job, sort of, i drew the high priestess as the heart of the matter, opposed by the king of swords.

here's how i'm taking it: no matter how busy i get, i have to take some time to reflect and be with myself, and i must remember that the work is all a way to connect me to that.

[droqen]

hmm... i've spent some time today doing low-quality tech implementation for tree climbing game...
it seems fine! maybe i'll just ask about [hhh]'s health (eye specifically)
DAY 24 - OCTOBER 19 - 5 PM - SEVEN OF WANDS
hmm. i've already seen this card! i can't draw it! i'll need to ask another question.
but as a result for this question, seems like... grin and bear it? fight?
my usual source doesn't have a 'health' reading category, so if i branch out, i get something close to what i thought of.

. . . fight to overcome an illness or injury. This card can also represent an illness or condition that you will have to work hard to keep under control. It is extremely challenging but you are driven and you can do it.

second reading. i want to know about this far-off event i'll be attending next year...
TWO OF WANDS
i haven't been there in a while, but i sort of accidentally committed to going.
"planning, first steps, making decisions, leaving comfort, taking risks"
yeah, i guess that's how it feels.
"While the beginning might seem tough and difficult, the Two of Wands card encourages you to strive on and push forward."
i'm pushin', deck!!!

-

i drew an extremely beautiful, pastel, bright, hopeful two of wands :) i love it. it makes me feel good about the trip.

leave comfort! take risks! strive on and push forward!

[droqen]

i want to meet the coolest people. i can't even always work with them. do i want to be their friend? i want to meet everyone on earth. help.
DAY 25 - OCT 20 - NOONish
two cards fell out... one first, then one kind of slipped out. we'll go with CONSCIOUS and UNCONSCIOUS for these.

conscious: SEVEN OF PENTACLES
"seems to be taking a break from his hard labor to admire the fruit and blossoms in his garden"
"the end of financial or material hardship. If you have been putting in time and effort in your work, it signifies that your efforts are paying off and they are going to pay off in the future as well."
mmm. sure, i can see this. this feels like it's happening now -- my awareness is blossoming, whatever efforts they might be.

since i have this sneaky unconscious card... well, we'll see. maybe i'll have two cards to draw today? mmmmmmghh. i hope not.
OK, what's left unrevealed?

unconscious: FIVE OF WANDS

ah fuck
conflict, endless unresolved conflict. getting nowhere.
i suppose this says to me: the underlying truth of the matter is that even as things are blossoming in the present, it is an ongoing struggle. meeting people.

there is no end.

[droqen]

toys or tours?
DAY 25 1/2 - extra draws
extra 1 - SEVEN OF WANDS
i've been thinking about this. should i stay where i've been? "hold your ground."
show me this other card that came off the bottom.
extra 2 - THE HIGH PRIESTESS

. . .

i've participated in the toy jam recently, and been exposed to various systemic games; hard games; games about managing randomness; and starting to wonder, what should i do? do i want to make these things after all?

what this is bringing up for me is the idea of sticking to my guns, holding my ground -- though initially i thought, is it saying i should stick with what i have been doing for decades (platformers)? but the high priestess brought me back: listen to my intuition. the idea of standing my ground can be applied just as much to the new perspective, which is being challenged by (toy jam, games i'm being exposed to).

what feels right? it's not videogame toys. these are compulsive... and they make the money... and they are what people like in games... but they don't feel right to me. i need that reminder. to defend and stand up for my intuitive response. not the one that is compelled, but the shining dweller in darkness.

"to do."