TAROT

[droqen]

oct 21 - was thinking about whether i was tarot-ing too much, and the nature of asking questions...
a couple cards flopped out and i went with them.
the 6 and queen of wands.
pride about success, and individuality - perhaps selfishness.
i was not sure actually what to read about this. it's a confusing reading, but the question was also poorly formed.

oct 22 - august? six of cups -> he did bring up ssp, and other good experiences from the past. interesting. oh and egw... which somehow convinced him that ssp was one of the games he wanted to check out... amazing

[droqen]

DAY 27 (i wrote day 26 in my paper notebook, you can see it above basically)
OCT 22, NOON-ish
I was ruminating on the name change from Ghost Bike to Wheel World, and shuffling the deck, and whispering to myself, "tools..."
Two cards fell out of the deck.
(conscious) KING OF SWORDS (thank goodness it's one ive already drawn haha, now just give me one new one...)
(unconscious) THE EMPRESS (hell yeah)

ok... my reading... the king of swords is the face of the empress...
god damn it is this just describing what tools are to me??? TAROT. HOW DARE YOU.

on the face, tools are the king of swords: an entity, a physical entity, maybe not a person
but as a character they would agree with "you must establish truth by sticking to the facts".

now... the subconscious empress... "fertility, expression, creativity and nurturing"
a reminder to be connected to these things. be kind to yourself. attract life.

tools have a physical form, but beneath that physical form underlies a deep softness. hmm.

[droqen]

day 28, oct 23, bit past noon, library
six of pentacles
goodness, so many pentacles.
the question i had today was... i have many things to focus on, but especially the Polaris report... laying everything out, what am i missing? what could help me focus?

[droqen]

DAY 29, OCT 24, 11 AM
no specific question today :) feeling good.
my go-to default question:
"what am i avoiding thinking about?"
SEVEN OF SWORDS
gosh, i saw this card the other day, and i've been thinking i need to draw a sword soon. hi, seven of swords!
this card is like, sneakiness, cleverness, the guy is kind of smug/confident about it.

i wonder if i'm not being sneaky enough.

[droqen]

Large design space problem. (see perhaps the essay as realm. sub-realms)

I am at something like 32-34 cards. (Funny, that's the number of minutes my little frozen pies ask you to bake them in the oven... 32-34. Hm.) I was not sure what problems I would run into, but I am now distinctly encountering, not even halfway through, a fear that I will run out of room for cards which distinguish themselves from another.

It was first the queen of wands who gave me this problem: her colour palette turned out identically to the queen of pentacles'. Since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it:

Every card needs its own identity, and there are limited colours.

By the end of this tarot drawing process, will I have exhausted all colour combinations, all compositions, everything? Each card must be its own realm. How many possible realms are there?

[droqen]

i do wonder if there is a general principle to follow... hmm, rules of composition... i could let go of this and just see what happens, i can always fix it later.

the important part is each realm's own realmness.
larger problems of compositional ugliness can be dealt with later.

don't let this problem slow things down. that is key.

[droqen]

day 30, oct 25 - at m's place with j, did some tarot.
for mine, i asked about a new job and how to balance it with everything else
i drew . . . the empress, the moon, TEMPERANCE
the new card was TEMPERANCE
i took this reading to highlight good emotional/intuitive vibes in the past, effortless. not necessarily going away, but this new job might be in a different direction. the moon indicates im currently walking this dark path, between the empress (past) and something else. and temperance, the new card, which i drew, suggests that i should not commit completely fully in any direction, keep balance. i have never thrown myself into a full time job well, i love having many things going on. so i will keep everything going on and not give myself up to it.

[droqen]

DAY 31, OCT 26, 2 PM
asking about an email i sent to mmg.
how's that going to go? what will we
both (?) get out of it? will a door even
open or will it remain closed? i'm not
in a rush...
SIX OF SWORDS
from memory, this is a card all about
transition and change, perhaps slight
grief regarding it. it is foremost, iirc,
about leaving something behind. of
course leaving one thing behind does
mean finding something new. i'll see
what labyrinthos has to say now...

moving on, departure, leaving behind, distance, accepting lessons

The meaning of the Six of Swords is that you are experiencing a transition of some kind, but one that is not happy and filled with regret. This transition will most likely be the result of decisions you made in the past, and now they are forcing you to leave something behind in order to move forward. Despite your sadness, you need to remember that moving on is the ideal option for your future.

oofers

[droqen]

with mmg, i guess a tentative relationship of some sort is disappearing, and i do feel a kind of hurt about it... "forcing you to leave something behind in order to move forward." i'm ready? i've got to remember we have a different relationship, and... well, what does the interpretation say...

"In life, there will be times that the only way to fix a problem is to leave it and move to start anew. You may feel like this is the coward's way out, but escape is the only approach that is left when you have tried all other methods."

oh no... ok, well, i'm honestly willing to let go...

[droqen]

day 32 - oct 27 - 12:30 postnoon
a part of my life with C and MC is ending, i think? how do i say goodbye? what am i losing? will i regret this?
a card came out. why i was i thinking about C and MC anyway? i was thinking this morning while i lay in bed.
SEVEN OF WANDS
oh, jeez. not you again.
am i defending myself? hold my ground, hold my ground. holding it against what?
i need an opposing force.
PAGE OF CUPS ("KNAVE OF CHALICES")
oh okay that'll do it.

[droqen]

my reading of this simple card pair -- note that the opposing card, the page of cups, is always sideways: ambiguous whether it is upright or inverted -- noting also, i drew the cup in this card sideways? what a stunning coincidence??? --

is that i am, or can be, holding my ground -- keeping ahold of what i have gained -- against the perhaps irresponsible, irrepressable, page of cups inside of me. possibly those outside of me, too: there are so many great new thoughts in the world, but for each new fish that appears i must remember to hold on to those i have already caught.

emotional and creative stability. i am feeling it more strongly now, as long as i can continue to satisfy my page of cups.

[droqen]

day 33 - oct 28 - 12 noon
leaving behind THE STAR
for nostalgic childlike joy...

[droqen]

day 34 - oct 29
two of cups (past)

did a reading for a group activity in which two became three. two of cups was the 'past' card, and world the 'present'... followed by the six of swords... yikes... i wondered if it could mean that we would become two again. anyway, i drew a misty two of cups to indicate a little bit of blindness. perfect union, but what of the rest of the world? i had a little idea this evening (it's tomorrow) to make the single mist into sort of 'two mists merging' to make the mists also part of the two parts becoming a whole. there are two trees, two cups, two cupbearers... why not two mists?

[droqen]

DAY 35 - OCT 30 - PAST MIDNIGHT
QUEEN OF CUPS

reflecting on an old friend and collaborator... i drew the four of cups which is boredom, and rejecting help... melancholy, feeling disconnected. so i needed another card. i asked, where should i look for help? and that's when i got the new card, the ~*queen of cups*~. who (or what) is my queen of cups?

court cards are people, relationships. and the queen of cups "has an intuition which is very powerful, and is only rivaled by the one of the High Priestess."

[droqen]

"The Queen of Cups acts as a mirror and reflects the depths present in others, so they see themselves in a new light." // i do sort of wish that i'd included mirror imagery. but i like the rain too, and the place of shelter in which the queen sits.

ha ha ok i went and added an entire reflection. it took so long. but it is done.