TAROT

[droqen]

my friends will tell me.

[droqen]

DAY 49, NOV 13, NABULU @ 1-2PM
question not to be recorded here
KING OF CUPS, INVERTED

[droqen]

day 50, the fool. i did have a question, but is it not to be recorded here

[droqen]

day 51, nov 15, 8:30 pm. who am i?

[droqen]

X THE WHEEL

[droqen]

art worlds. tell me something i don't know.
day 52. nov 16, past midnight.
art worlds. digital art, virtual spaces. real spaces, real people.
a bit of pixel art in a blank room.
shadows, nonidentical reproductions, artists.
tell me something i don't know.

FIVE OF PENTACLES

[droqen]

mmmmmhhhhhhh. ok. okay, art worlds. i have a mountain to go be buried under alone.

[droqen]

ok, please, please just be good for me, deck. i am looking for a new card.
i'm feeling excited and good right now, am i going to feel bad later about this design stuff?
make stuff for freaks & myself, and trust in the team to chill it the fuck out as necessary.
the deck flipped out the moon and then eight of swords...
are these right?

(day 53, nov 17, 7:30 pm, b t w)

[droqen]

walking, carefully, between two worlds.
and the eight of swords says that i feel trapped, but that feeling trapped is all in my own mind.
i get it. i hope w's words are the key to set myself free. i am ready to be free! untrap myself.
stop straddling the two worlds and go straight into savagery

[droqen]

update: moon is not only about walking between two words... it is also about letting intuition light the path. walk through darkness in moonlight... anyway i'm not going to re-interpret yesterday's thoughts. it's another day!

DAY 54. NOV 18. A LITTLE BEFORE 1PM.

okay so what am i asking about. i'm busy! i'm busy and i like it! i am getting better at forming mental checklists and what not. i'm holding things in my mind and doing them later. it rules, actually. caffeine helps. anyway.

what am i forgetting to think about? what does my scheme miss? what could i be paying more attention to, what would i get out of that?

. . . i'm planning to draw through cards until i get a new one, wish me luck. please show me a stranger, tarot deck! <3

NINE OF WANDS

[droqen]

"EXHAUSTION."

[droqen]

bubbling, boiling, churning...
the seven of wands popped out of the deck twice... weird. maybe it's something physically off about the card that makes it come out so damned much but either way it put me in the mood to ask, stand my ground in what way? work came to mind first. work, work, work. i presented some problems i was having conceptually, was asked to carry on. i guess i still have the same problems? (am i making a game design or just selling an abstract fantasy?) stand my ground. i'm right, and i'll continue to be right. but i'll also do the work! that's fine, i guess.

how do i design a game that seems to contain a fundamental conflict?

so the next card i drew was the inverted ace of swords.

confusion, miscommunication, hostility, arguments, destruction, brutality

i think it's time to clean up the deck. sort it all out. weed out the drawn so i can draw an undrawn only.

[droqen]

can i simply carry on like this, or do i insist that things don't make sense?
no, that's not right. i'm going to state my mind.
the seven of wands demands it--and also i know it's what i'm going to do, lol.
the inverted ace of swords suggests a possible future. give me a card to advise me:
what should i do, or what should i expect?

DAY 55. NOV 19. 6:30 PM.
NINE OF SWORDS.

[droqen]

the nine of swords is a guilty conscience, the swords are falling, i know that, i know that. i have already done the nine of swords! it slipped in here. wake up from this nightmare!!! okay, so i want to get over the guilty conscience. i have a feeling that something will die (again).

tell me what i want, or how to get what i want, or whether i can even get what i want. i want something, tell me how i'm going to go about pursuing it. tell me if i'm going to get it.

DEATH

[droqen]

DAY 56. NOV 20. 6 PM.

i don't have a well-formed question... something about feeling loose, free, untethered... it's a good feeling! i've done some work and something has been put out into the world. i'll feel this way about the tarot deck someday.

i'm thinking about writing a poetry-like or story-like guidebook for my tarot deck. hmm. how can i think about this? where am i going? should i start now? is there another way to do it? what am i not recognizing?

-

KNIGHT OF WANDS, ACE OF WANDS, QUEEN OF CUPS

-

nooo fucking way.

i drew the ace of wands from my deck of remaining cards and thought, eh, i'm not feelin it... i didn't have a well-formed question and idk i just don't want to do this one today, for whatever reason. i very rarely do this.

then i shuffledi t up -- i shuffled it way the hell up -- and drew a face-down remaining card, and two done cards, and shuffled them together to get a past-present-future three-card reading and what the hell, it gave me my ace of wands back... so i guess it's fate or whatever. god