TAROT

[droqen]

well fuck yeah

- i want to do things, to remain ever in motion, especially in a showy, visible, noticed way

- the ace of wands strikes: a bolt of inspiration. i cannot, do not, do not want to, resist.

- in this case, and in my ideal case, this creation strikes an emotional chord. "The Queen of Cups acts as a mirror."

so this is the tarot's response to my doing more involved interpretations in a novel format, something that's been on my mind. OK. i just gotta remember that the underlying issue, the prerequisite, the motivating foundational force, is my knight of wands. daily habits.

[droqen]

DAy 57. NOV 21. 4-4:30 PM.

take me away from games. i travelled far away. where am i going?

FOUR OF SWORDS

[droqen]

peace after a battle. the four follows the three, and we are here in the aftermath, in a moment of reprieve. that is where i am right now. maybe i'm not ready to know where i'm going because i'm dwelling too much on my wounds.

[droqen]

DAY 58. NOV 22. 3 PM.

beginning to recognize it's myself--i dislike games... that's okay. that's fine. i have a negative reponse within myself. i have a position, a moral opinion, a flavour preference. so what next?

FIVE OF SWORDS

gosh so many swords comin' out! i guess this was bound to happen, i'm forcing out every last card...

[droqen]

Despite the fact that you think you've won, you might still lose in the big picture
. . .
What is more important to you? Mutual progress, or winning?

-Five of Swords Meaning

argh. so i've described a situation where i feel at peace with my status. i don't think of it as a fight, but i am definitely in a post-conflict position. i was conflicted, and now i think it's just a personal thing. except... every time i talk about this with a game dev i think we have interesting conversations. so i am taking this as a timely reminder not to isolate myself. after yesterday's four of swords -- a bloody battle -- i have found some peace. but is it peace, or is it a selfish victory?

i do care about mutual progress so much more than i care about winning.

[droqen]

DAY 59. NOV 23. 9:30 AM.

i couldn't respond to my friend... am i even interested in their problems at all?
what should i be listening to? how will i know?

KING OF WANDS

[droqen]

the king of wands... a leader, big picture, vision, optimisim/// i suppose there is something here, a glimmer. optimism. boldness. i'm not sure how to dwell. if there is a problem, then what? solve it, or work around it? if there is a bad feeling, can i do something with it? i think about the future, i think about how to 'lead'. if there is no future, no leading, then it is ok to let the topic wither and dry out. it is ok, right?

[droqen]

DAY 60. NOV 24. 8:48 AM.
i reflected upon my plans for today (the 24th, the play, the lunch, the swap)
and suppose that i have arrived at a certain decision.
what will be the consequences of this decision? is it the right choice?
THE LOVERS
this is basically the tarot pointing and laughing at me lol.
yes i know i'm making a choice.

i think there's a more important message at the heart of the lovers that is not captured by my previous understanding of the lovers as a choice... the lovers are in harmony and the choice must be made to seek such harmony. the lovers is not 'you have to make a choice,' but 'you have a choice and you should make it this way.' towards harmonious love. i can get behind that.

[droqen]

day 61. nov 26 (skipped a day). 9 AM.
yesterday was quite a day! what am i going to do with today?
i might be making a website for kat. just tell me something about how it's going to go! what to expect!
= two of swords (of course. another sword. are we going to have any minor arcana left?)

[droqen]

the two of swords - difficult decisions. stalemate. and hidden information. at the moment i've been thinking about the website project as something that is either going to be easy or hard. that is, in simple terms: of work to be done. but this card has allowed me to reflect on the possibility of creative conflict, and of unknown problems down the line... the 'difficult decision' is not whether i do it or not. that will be easy. the hard part is going to come later (if we do work together on the website). remember that.

[droqen]

DAY 62. NOV 27. 8:30 AM.

i'm steadily drifting away not from the people i know but the dream, the entire dream, they live under.
i've left an entire dream behind.
who the hell am i now?

(there are 12 cards left, i think.)

XII THE HANGED MAN

huh, the twelfth card.

[droqen]

DAY 63. NOV 29. 9:45 AM

i haven't been thinking much about money,
and i probably should be. but now i'm back
again to the same place i was months ago-
temporarily derailed, but on the same track
again.

here's a thought:
will this visual novel go somewhere... good?
will we survive? how can i do my best here?

NINE OF PENTACLES

[droqen]

huh. well, it's a good omen... maybe it's telling me that the way forward involves a bit of isolation in a high tower. i'm being very social and it's possible that this socializing is not for the best.

[droqen]

DAY 64. NOV 30. NOONISH
"there is only one material"
THREE OF PENTACLES

how am i to interpret this? the three of pentacles says
it's not safe to go alone, but also that a goal has been
reached or achieved. "there is only one material" is in
its nascent stage, just an idea that i'd like to repeat to
myself again & again. that material can be so isolating
so maybe i'll take it as a reminder to work together w/
others. not only to share but also to collaborate. i like.

[droqen]

DAY 65. DEC 2. 8 PM
"who do i ask to help me sell [copies of] this tarot deck?
or how do i go about doing that? help me, tarot!"
FOUR OF WANDS

does this mean to throw a party?
does it mean to reconnect with a
friend from another decade? ask
them for help? the four of wands
also refers to some completion--
this, at least, i understand unam-
biguously to refer to my finishing
the tarot deck. i wanna do a party!