The Child, the Family, and the Outside World

[droqen]

Re: D. W. Winnicott's

[droqen]

[AB]

DK recommended this book to me (among some others) regarding play therapy history.

[droqen]

Chapter 10, "The World in Small Doses"

p62-63

The mother is sharing a specialized bit of the world with her small child, keeping that bit small enough so that the child is not muddled, yet enlarging it very gradually so that the growing capacity of the child to enjoy the world is catered for . . there are two things that a mother does which help here.

One is that she takes the trouble to avoid coincidences. Coincidences lead to muddle. Examples would be handing a baby over to someone else's care at the same time as weaning. . .

The other thing is that she is able to distinguish between fact and fantasy. . . . When your little boy turns away from the milk pudding . . and makes a face intended to convey the idea that it is poisonous, you are not upset, because you know perfectly well that it is good. You also know that just for the moment he feels that it is poisonous. . . If you had been uncertain of yourself you would have got all fussed up, and would have tried to force the pudding into the child's mouth to prove to yourself that it was good.

[droqen]

p63

. . . your clear knowledge of what is real and what is not helps the child. . . the child is only gradually getting to the understanding that the world is not as imagined, and that imagination is not exactly like the world. Each needs the other.

p64

For the lucky infant the world starts off behaving in such a way that it joins up with his imagination, and the inner life of the baby is enriched with what is perceived in the external world. . . . he will be able to see that real means two things, and he will be able to feel both kinds of reality at once.

p59, back to an earlier part of the chapter in reflection, what is this "real"?

If you listen to philosophical discussions you sometimes hear people using a lot of words over the business of what of real and what is not real. One person says that real means what we can all touch, see, and hear. . . another says that it is only what feels real that counts, like a nightmare, or hating the man who jumps the bus queue.

"real means two things . . . [you can] feel both kinds of reality at once."

[droqen]

Chapter 11, "The Baby as a Person," or, total happenings

Pages 65-69

[droqen]

p67-68

. . . there could be a beginning, a middle, and an end to what happened; there was a total happening. This is good for the baby. When you are in a hurry, or are harassed, you cannot allow for total happenings, and your baby is the poorer. When you have time, however, . . you can allow for these. Total happenings enable babies to catch hold of time. They do not start off knowing that when something is on it will finish.
     Do you see how the middle of things can be enjoyed (or if bad, tolerated) only if there is a strong sense of start and finish?
     By allowing your baby time for total experience, and by taking part in them, you gradually lay a foundation for the child's ability eventually to enjoy all sorts of experiences without jumpiness.

[droqen]

There is so much more but I'm for the moment overwhelmed and charmed by some of the ideas of "babies as persons". The play of the child, the way of learning, the moments of return to babyhood.

p73
". . . your baby is growing up, but his forward march is not maintained all the time. You will find this all along. . . . every now and again he will be just a baby, even a tiny baby. . . .

     Your older boy is dressing up and bravely fighting enemies. He is ordering everyone about. He bumps his head on the table as he stands up and then suddenly he is a baby, with his head on your lap, sobbing."

[droqen]

We were all babies.