i want  to make art
that i can look back at and use to remember
who was i, what was i going through?

i want to make art
that i can show someone --
not necessarily just anyone, but
i should feel comfortable enough sharing it
that i don't avoid it
so in that sense maybe it should be safe
enough.

i want to make art
every day, connecting my present self
to every future self i'll ever become.

i want to make art
for these reasons.

game 6 is instrumental.
does it accomplish these goals?
does it connect me to myself?
does it connect me to others--
the others i want to connect to?
the others i'll want to connect to tomorrow?

these are the design pillars
of game 6
which has yet to reveal itself.

"when you make a game, you decide what to do with it. you decide who plays it. nothing is given. you may play it, or not play it. your friend may play it, or not play it. if a game falls in the forest, it is a game."

"make 30 harmless card games
 in the month of april of 2026."

"PREFACE: numbers of things have existed since the beginning of time! numbers are innocent, without the dirty fingerprints of humanity's oils on them.

utilize numbers in order to get whatever you want, including: more numbers!"

"run score run."

"see score run
your life as a cell of a larger
being without questioning
    its humanity or purpose purpose
being a self
    centered concept and useless
    for our game's purposes — Ah.
    i see i've done it too ascribing
    a human purpose to an inhuman
being."

"see score
as a force of alignment as boids have
tuning you into a wave."

game 3. score

1. orient yourself as best you can.
    find a map, and your place there.
    point north and know where north is.
    face north.

2. you know where you are.

3. forget where you are.
    forget where north is.

0. you are a child again.

"the gallery is any place that is empty and vast
enough for great things to escape." (pt iv, final part)

"its skittishness is
what makes it what it is.
when it goes, let it go.
do not tame the wild
birds of your soul." (pt iii)

"once situated
in your studio and having in mind
an empty gallery, begin remember-
ing the object lying beneath
the todayness of today.

it is a pigeon, a crow, a great heron.
neither startle it nor coax it.

instead pass its perching-place
    (a tree droops heavily over a river.)
    (the banister of a trafficked bridge.)
and turn your head only regarding
its hugeness as it regards you." (pt ii)

"set aside a piece of your day
to pay attention to yourself.
inscribe ahead of time
or in the moment the boundaries
of studio and gallery.
your studio must be a place that makes you
feel safe." (pt i)

cultist simulator shows the individual following your trail. as a player you can observe the system at work: even if it were inevitable, the sense of dread is too tangible to provoke even a smidge of genuine paranoia.

uplink's invisible pursuit, you don't even know it's happening until it's too late. the paranoia comes all at once, activating every shred of doubt that you swept under the carpet.

that stuck with me.

the eye watches.

at some point i sought to lose my sense of paranoia, which i felt most keenly in one awful moment while playing uplink.

so you're a scrappy little hacker, right? and you're hacking away, slowly improving your rig--it's like an idle game, almost. incremental.

thought 1. uplink and the eye

thought 2. i really need to re-read Ugly Feelings