so who started it all?
surely not me
nor J, or E,
nor S (whether 1 or 11)

the road that we took
took us all
all the same
the same way
way before
before heaven

or — as I said once —
heaven (2).

there M, and M (2), and M (3) too
— and M (4) (but we don't talk anymore) —
were all shiny and too faced
the mirror along
with W, X, and U.

G and — what's-his-letter — and S and K (3)
followed K — that's K (1) — in the first place
then all that remained was to follow after A
and before i knew Z it was that time of day

it was D & K who showed me the way
though B raised the curtain
and F clambered through
oh and i couldn't have done it without K (2)'s map
or — i could've but i wouldn't have
known to.

me attempt to describe to zeigfreid via discord (10:50PM)

Quotei'm working on boids game
there's a thing that seemed very obvious to add to the core game of playing boids
i'll just call that Game B
at the time i added it, it was subsidiary to Game A, call it an A-strengthening transformation
i was working on the whole thing and poking and tweaking things and then i was like, oh,  OH,  Game B is its own center, i can't only be thinking about Game A all the time
i need to make Game B stronger too. stronger in itself, but also... Game A needs to change, so that it strengthens Game B in turn
this mental shift was huge

- boids avoider core game
- space navigator metagame, from a latent center
- at this point the structure serves the core game
- but i have just had the realization that this fit must go the other way too:
- how can the core game, the original center, be moulded to fit and serve the structure?
- as well, how can the structure become a stronger center itself?
- the subservient center must come into its own
- with my help.

[AB]

"I'm going to describe a room to you. I'm not going to show it to you, I'm just going to describe it to you."

"[Based on just the] description I'd be like ... I hate it! That's so hideous! But now let's look at this image. This is one of the most beautiful inspo images I've seen online recently."

"My point is ... when you're relaying a vision to something, know that other people can't see the vision; if someone explained this vision to me I'd be like, 'try again!' but this is so stunningly beautiful ... whether you're designing a space or you're trying to broadcast the dream business that you want to start ... it is so hard for anyone who's not living in your head to be able to see your vision the same way you do. They're not in your head, they can't see the vision."

[9:23 - 11:26]

[AB]

https://fine-sir-1584660650.bandcamp.com/

What can I say about this? Noise that makes me feel.

All the world's a stage (40)

Storm clouds advance on a winding river (5)

A space station besieged by memories (17)

All things of grace and beauty (4)

The one that began it all (1)

Quote from: 29:20We, video gamers, are strangely compelled to continue dispelling the mist even at the same time as part of us hopes we'll never succeed. Is it the answers we're seeking, or is it the mystery itself?

-In Search of Mystery

(previously discussed: players who intentionally don't look things up, in order to preserve a feeling)

Connects so strongly to 'well-played game' stuff. I don't want to get all loopy about what play means, what play is, etc. But there is some relevant literature that's interesting. A desire for something... and the willingness to put some strange effort into achieving this 'something'... hmm. Look, it's not as simple as playing along; it's making something. Creating, cultivating a feeling. This is art.

Quote from: 29:04. . . the feeling of standing on the edge that separates the known and the unknown, of reaching for something meaningful and transcendent that remains just outside our grasp. . . .

-In Search of Mystery

QuoteThe thought of not really knowing what's on the other side of the ocean but going out there anyway on a shitty boat is reasonably incredible

I am sad how certain I am that No Man's Sky will never give me this feeling.
[screenshot of video titled "No Man's Sky - EXPLORE Trailer | PS4", displaying quote "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." // André Gide]

I'm not trying to be super down on No Man's Sky, but I severely doubt its design is at all about 'the courage to lose sight of the shore'.

Most exploration game are less about the trepidation of uncharted territory and more about rewarding you for just kinda poking around.

Anyway, what I'm saying is I fucking love the trepidation of entering uncharted territory, please make more games for me

twitter thread

Section "An Endless Search"

Quote from: 27:38. . . Clearly, for many of us, the feeling of inhabiting a riddle is more gratifying than actually solving it. Is it going too far to suggest that it's an almost spiritual feeling? . . .

-In Search of Mystery

QuoteDivine truths, . . . insofar as there are any, must be changeable and never completed. . . because they are revealed only by the current mood.

-All Things Shining, p153

Some very meaningful parallel here.